The real reason you are angry is not because of the loss, but because you feel like you have been ‘ignored.’ If you change your thoughts, you can control your emotions.
Five complete deep essays
Aristotle was the first philosopher in Western history to dissect emotions item by item. But surprisingly, the work in which he studied emotions most deeply was not a book on ethics, but Rhetoric. Rhetoric is ‘the art of persuading others,’ so why did a master of philosophy compile a theory of human emotions while lecturing on how to persuade people?
The reason is obvious. Because humans are not calculators that operate solely on cold logic! No matter how perfect syllogisms and data you present, if the listener is angry or fearful, the same facts will sound completely distorted. When you love, even the other person's fatal flaws seem attractive, but when you hate, even the sound of that person's breathing is disgusting.
Aristotle defined emotions as ‘a powerful lens of perception that fundamentally changes human judgment (Krisis).’ In order to persuade others and lead myself, I had to understand the operating mechanism of this emotional lens.
Aristotle said that if you ask the following three questions, you can see through any emotion like an X-ray.
First, what state of mind and body am I in right now? (Example: Are you tired and irritable? Are you full of desire to be recognized by someone?) Second, who specifically is this feeling directed at? (Is it a boss who openly ignores me? A co-worker who is on a roll?) Third, for what reason did this spark of emotion fly?
His definition of anger (Orgē) is so sophisticated that even modern psychologists today can admire it. 'Anger is a state of pain that one feels while yearning for visible revenge for unfair slights toward oneself or one's side, and is accompanied by the sweet pleasure of imagining revenge.'
The real reason we are angry is not because we lost 10,000 won. It's because of the humiliation that the other person looked down on me and ignored me, saying, 'What do you know?' If you know that the cause of your emotions is not the 'event itself' but 'the interpretation that your self-esteem has been undermined', the key to controlling your emotions will finally come into your hands.
The flower of Aristotle's ethics is 'Mesotēs'. Many people misunderstand the mean as ‘a vague middle ground that is neither this nor that’ or ‘a gray molecule that always holds back anger and lives comfortably’. However, the mean that Aristotle spoke of is not an arithmetic mean, but the 'pinnacle of excellence (Aretē)', like a violin tuner finding the tension of the strings to produce the most beautiful sound.
For example, let's look at the emotion of fear. Jumping into the enemy's camp without a sword without any fear on the battlefield is not courage, but 'recklessness (excess).' On the other hand, throwing away weapons and running away at the slightest sound of wind is 'cowardice (lack).' Real 'courage (moderation)' is knowing clearly what is truly scary, but moving forward with trembling legs for the values that must be protected.
The same goes for anger. Smiling and enduring even when your parents or children are being unfairly humiliated right in front of you is not meekness, but foolish servility. A person who knows how to be angry at the right person, about the right thing, at the right time, and with the right amount of anger is a person with a truly mature character.
In 『Poetics』, Aristotle explains why we feel relieved and purified after crying while watching a sad movie or tragedy. This is the famous ‘Katharsis’.
While watching a great tragedy, we sympathize with the protagonist's misfortune and experience the fear that 'that kind of fall could happen to me, too.' However, unlike being overwhelmed in the midst of a real-life disaster, in a well-written story, you can follow the causes, choices, and consequences of events to the end. What was a vague emotion becomes an orderly experience.
Aristotle did not explain at length what exactly the process of catharsis was, and various interpretations followed in later generations, including purification, discharge, clarification, and education. What is clear is that tragedy does not just stimulate emotions, but also brings about a change in the audience that allows them to better feel and understand pity and fear.
Today, we often view emotions as defects that must be excluded. However, Aristotle teaches that ‘emotions are the mirror of the soul that proves what kind of person we are.’ What makes you angry tells me what you value, and what makes you cry tells me what you value.
Don't suppress your emotions when your mind is racing. Open the paper and ask three questions. ‘Who am I angry with now? How did I interpret his treatment of me? 'Is that interpretation 100% true?'
The moment you adjust the lens of your thoughts, your anger, which used to rage like a fierce storm, changes into calm insight, and you can finally become a wise master of your life.