The anxiety of the heart is not because we love bad things, but because we love less precious things too much.
Five complete deep essays
Augustine was not a holy saint by birth. In his youth, he was a fiery young man who devoted himself entirely to ambition, lust, and the desire for success. At the age of 16, he and his friends were boating in other people's fields, committing sin for the 'simply pleasure of doing something forbidden', and wandering in pursuit of physical pleasure and fame in the splendid city of Carthage.
But even after tasting all the pleasures, his soul was like a burning desert. In the face of his friend's sudden death, everything in the world seemed like a tomb, and even his hometown became a huge prison of pain.
『Confessiones』 is humanity's first inner psychological autobiography in which a person writes down his most shameful desires, deep despair, and finally found peace of soul with tears.
Augustine provides surprising insight into the nature of emotions in Book 14 of The City of God. Like the Stoics, they did not view emotions as a disease that needed to be eliminated. He saw that the four basic human passions (joy, sadness, desire, and fear) are actually branches from a single root.
The root is ‘love (Amor)’. Emotions are a compass that shows what I love.
� When you reach out for something you love, it becomes ‘desire’. When you finally hold it in your arms and enjoy it, it becomes ‘joy.’ On the other hand, when you are afraid that something you love will run away or be taken away, it becomes 'fear', and the pain of heartbreaking when you lose it is 'sadness'. In the end, behind all our tears and laughter, there is hidden ‘a love that I cherish like my life.’
So why do we suffer and become so unhappy because of love? Augustine offers an explanation from his philosophical and theological perspective. This is because the ‘object of love’ and the ‘order of value’ have been reversed.
This is called a distortion of the ‘Ordo Amoris’. In the world, there are values that will never change (truth, virtue, pure love for neighbors, eternal rest), and there are finite values that will one day disappear (money, luxury goods, social status, praise from others).
Finite things deserve to be loved as ‘useful means for living.’ But what happens if a person makes money or the approval of others the ‘highest purpose of my life’ and devotes his soul to it? Because we have placed the pillars of our lives on a fleeting shadow that can disappear and betray us at any time, even the slightest wind blows causes our souls to fall into a swamp of anxiety, jealousy, and fear and cry out.
The most famous prayer in Confessions whispers: 'Our hearts will never find peace until they rest in you (Inquietum est cor nostrum, donec requiescat in te).'
Augustine reinterpreted the chronic anxiety and dissatisfaction felt by humans as a positive signal. No matter how much delicious food you eat, how expensive you live in, and how many people cheer you on, why do you feel empty again after a few days?
Because the human soul is so great and deeply built! As you try to fill your soul, which is as huge as the ocean, with worldly pleasures the size of a puddle, you cannot help but feel thirsty all the time. The anxiety and feeling of deficiency within me is not a shameful wound to blame myself for, but an inner call to ‘move toward more eternal and noble values.’
We live in a world where we constantly compare ourselves to others, and where the number of ‘likes’ on social media can make our daily mood go back and forth between heaven and hell. In Augustine's eyes, this is precisely 'a tragedy in which the order of love has been overthrown.'
The temporary things I love (looks, possessions, the applause of others) can never support the weight of my soul. Face that fact and let them take control of your life.
Confess your weaknesses and fears truthfully without hiding them. The moment you admit, ‘I am currently clinging to something fleeting,’ the chains of obsession that have been weighing down your heart will be released and a deep ocean of peace will embrace your soul.